Monday, June 13, 2011

Rough Days But Still Good Days

Days 10, 11 and 12.

My days are stumbling over each other, very much like my rights and my lefts.  I made my practice teaching students stay in Utthita  Parsvakonasa for about 2 minutes because I could not get my rights and lefts right.
I wonder if my father would end up killing me if I had this tattooed on my feet and hands. 

See what I mean?  Dyslexic. 

I apologize for being a delinquent blogger, although  I have a perfectly good reason for this.  Days 10, 11 and 12 have merged together to what seemed to be:


Dilly dally table time with friends has now been converted to precious study time.  Unfortunately, I feel like I am losing my table manners as I have to stuff food in my mouth so quick, just to have another half hour of studying after breakfast and lunch.  I not only have giant fork-fulls of food, but I now also speak with food in my mouth, burp really loud (this might have some connection with my flatulence) and sometimes wipe my mouth with my shirt (I remember my Dad catching me doing this one time, way back in grade school).  Extremely flattering. 

I am actually starting to not mind my 5 o'clock mornings to study.  My brain is fresh and active in the morning, not like after lectures at night, when it is just unable to retain anything because of tiredness.  Julie, Eva from America (I have to specify because we have two Eva's), Bree and I have been opening the Love Kitchen at 6am (on the dot) for our giant cups of coffee and tea.  They have wonderful coffee at the Kitchen downstairs, perfect to have with a little bit of steamed soy milk and spoon-fulls of organic honey.

6am coffee.

As happy and uplifting my day was last Thursday, my Friday was the exact opposite.  I had gone to class that morning, feeling so much low energy in the air.  Everyone seemed to have crawled out of the studio after class, pretty much not saying anything to anyone else.  Breakfast was the same.  I thought it could have been just me feeling that way: patience running thin and easily agitated.  But no.  It was not just me.  

Perfect examples.

1.  We all moved to the Ocean Studio for practice teaching session and I asked Harreson if I could adjust the thermostat of the A/C just a bit because I was freezing.  On my way to the controls and much to my dismay, James blurted out, "Next time, go wear more friggin' clothes because I'm hot."  Flabbergast moment.  I stopped and made my way back to my pillow on the floor in one side of the room and kept my mouth shut.  Deep inside though, I really hoped my legs were quadruple times as long so I could kick him in the rear.  That completely threw me off and I messed up practice teaching because I had gotten so upset.  Lesson learned:  Just let it go!

Side note:  James and I are cool now.  We were cool right after class.  You know I love you, James. 

2.  I heard someone crying inside one of the stalls in the ladies toilet near the Kitchen.  I still do not know who it was but I am quite intrigued about this.

3.  The girls and I had our little "meeting" before yoga class in the afternoon and found out we were all having crappy days.

Things seemed to shift to a more positive light at dinner time that day.  I suppose everyone was so stressed over practice teaching and was finally able to sweat everything out at class.  Pim was our teacher and it was beautiful, as usual.  A full dinner made me extremely sleepy that I had the hardest time staying awake at Satsang.  I needed toothpicks to keep my eyelids open (like in those Tom and Jerry cartoons) while John was talking.

*Satsang (Sanskrit sat = true, sanga = company) is an Indian philosophy that involves (1) the company of the "highest truth," (2) the company of a guru, or (3) company with an assembly of persons who listen to, talk about, and assimilate the truth.

Julie lent me her guardian angel to keep me company while I study.  I love it and I think I gave me luck at practice teaching the following day.  

Thank you for this, Julie.  

Yoga class on Saturday afternoons are at 6:15 instead of 4:15 so we had time to hit a nearby beach last Saturday.  I made friends with an Austrian lady with the most adorable, red haired baby boy in the whole world.  He had Michelin Man arms and legs that I wanted to bite.

I have always had secret dreams of having a half white baby.  I think Asians + Caucasians make the best looking babies.

Thai flora on the way to the beach.

These flowers make me happy.

And these too.

My roommate Eva managed to run a fever so she did not join us at the beach.  I was really worried about her but now I am relieved that she has gotten much better in such a short span of time.  Now I can laugh, recalling the sight of her on her bed that Saturday afternoon:  A/C and electric fan shut off, doors to balcony closed, two thick blankets over her unmoving body and a face that was as red as a tomato.  Ironically, I recall her giving me a kiss on my forehead before she had gone to bed that night, thinking I was asleep already.  I love you, Eva!  You are like a mother, sister and baby, all rolled into one beautiful booty-licious package.  God could not have given me a better roommate.

Eva gets the Aisa squeeze!

I breezed through Sunday morning, quite satisfied with how I did at practice teaching Module 6.  I felt a funny pain down my middle spine in the afternoon so I lay in Savasana for most of the afternoon class.  I hope this goes away in the morning.

An important fact from Manduka:  Dragonflies live for 24 hours. Practice appreciating each beautiful moment.  

Important realizations and learnings the last few days:

1.  Opposites really need to exist, the same way there is Yin and Yang, darkness and light, the Sun and the Moon, feminine and masculine, right and left, heaven and earth, North and South, etc.  If not for these, we would not be flexible and life would be boring.  Yes, BORING.  I am finding out that everything has an opposite and that they are not absolute, instead, they are relative.  They are also mutually dependent on each other.  

2.  When we accept our responsibilities, it is only then that we can be true teachers of our own selves.  I am given a life time to learn and apply this and for that, I am forever grateful.

3.  When you think your brain cannot absorb any more information, it just miraculously does the following day.  Patience is the key.  And repetition.  And lot whole of carrot sticks (with some hummus dip and cayenne pepper on top).

4.  I want Jeanne to be around every time I practice teach.

5.  These beautiful girls make the best support group.  

Paula, Wendi, Bree and Eva.

6.  "Doing simple things perfectly, sets a good foundation for you and your students." - John Anderson

7.  I cannot be in Teacher Training and think that I can do a juice and broth fast/raw food diet and survive.  

*Update on my fast/diet:  I am officially OFF any fast/diet until the end of this month.  My body needs food, and so does my brain.

8.  "There are no perfect poses, just healthy poses." - John Anderson again

9.  I will never practice beside Doris Kemptner again.  She is an Austrian model with the happiest heart, the longest legs and the lowest female voice that I have heard in my life.  She is also about 6 feet tall and is just all legs.  I am not kidding.  She is 70% legs and 30% torso.  I stood beside her at class one time and felt like a midget.  Transitioning to Parvritta Trikonasa, she gets into airplane, looks over my direction and smiles as if to say, "Oh look! Big airplane (referring to herself).  Small airplane (referring to me)!"  Oh, Doris.  Despite not ever wanting to practice beside you again,  I really am so fond of you.  I wish you would come to the Philippines to visit me, one time in the near future.  What a riot that would be!

10.  "Be the tortoise, not the hare.  Slow and steady wins the race." - You guessed it! John Anderson still

11.  We are all going to leave this place with "sexy abs like Trev!" (you will have to say it the right way)

12.  This always sunshine after the rain.  I say this in reference to both the weather and the highs and lows of the last two weeks.

It has been a rough couple of days.  Physically tired, emotionally drained.  These little bumps on the road are a big test of character, for me and for everyone else in this course.  I am not joking when I say that I probably said the "What the %#$! am I doing here?" line in my head almost 20 times last Friday.  In this process of going through the bumps, weaves and turns, not only am I continuously learning through my mistakes, I am also discovering many new things about myself.  If my teacher John were to say it, it would come out as "wobbling, falling and learning how not to".  

I am also learning to appreciate those little blessings, that for most of the time in my busy life, I have taken for granted.  A warm hello.  A gentle pat on the back.  A simple thank you.  A big morning hug.  A sweet smile from a stranger.  A short message from a friend back home.  They are those little gestures that can change the course of someone's day.  I know they changed mine.  To your kind hearts and gentle souls, thank you.  Thank you, so so much.

Being in this place makes me think of my Mom a lot and makes me miss her more everyday.  She really is the most amazing woman I know.  Mom, thank you for birthing me and for giving me this chance to see, hear and speak of the love that this beautiful world has so much of.   

I say goodnight with happy thoughts, knowing that there are brighter and better days ahead.  The sun always shines after the rain.  And the tortoise always finishes the race.

So, yes.  They were rough days, but definitely still good days.




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